Time of the Turnip

It is the time of the turnip. You grow them. Well, your people grow them. And eat them. And hope to not be eaten by a dragon or space lobster or angry cat. It is a game to you. On Android.

The most important thing to convey at this point is that it is impossible to underestimate this game. It is horrible. It is not fun and boring and does not make any sense. It doesn't not make sense in a fun or interesting way. It makes no sense by failing to convey nessesary information and lacking key features. Expect nothing.

However, we have big plans. Well, not really big. We have plans. We are using a rapid development model for this project. In this model, we are pushing this turd sandwitch out the door as quickly as possible. Then we will try to add lettuce. The idea is that if we trick a few people into attempting to play this game, it will be easier to motivate ourselves to make it better. The plan is that we do a new release with new features every two weeks.

FAQ - or things you should know that for reasons of incompetence and laziness are not included in the game interface itself

What is all this then?

You are the deposistic ruler of a small region. You probably got to power by doing something unsavory. Your holdings consist almost entirely of 5 integers: (people, turnips, land, money, soldiers)

This game is just a crappy UI on top of a relational database with 5 integers isn't it?

Of course not! We actually store the data in the database as a java serialized object which is a map of strings to strings. This way we don't have to change the tables as we add things.

What do people do?

If given land to work, they grow turnips and pay taxes. They also eat turnips.

What does land do?

If you have people to work the land, they grow turnips.

What do soldiers do?

They get paid.

So they do nothing?

They are well armed and have a large amount of free time. I'm sure they do something however the less you know about it the better.

What turnip level should I set?

The turnip food level controls the number of turnips per movement of the turtle each person eats. 1.0 is the normal amount. A higher amount will give you a higher population growth rate.

Um, turtle?

There is a turtle and sometimes it moves. When it moves things happen.

Can I see the turtle or interact with it in any way?

No.

Can I ignore everything about the turtle and substitute the word "turn" in my head

Sure, if you want to make the turtle cry.

What is the deal with buying and selling?

You can buy and sell land, turnips and soldiers. They have a set price at any given time and your order will be executed at the next movement of the turtle.

Can I see the price? Is it secret?

It isn't intentionally secret, but you can't see it. Maybe in the next release.

When I buy land, how does it end up near my other land so that my kingdom is continuous?

Pulleys

How do I buy or sell things?

You put in a positive number to buy them. A negative number to sell them.

What is the deal with these chambers of commerce?

Those represent investing into commerce and business in general. You can buy them and have people work in them instead of farms and they make you money.

Why is there a 'beatings' tab?

Beatings are used to filter the reports that show up in the ledger. If you can think of a way to limit who wastes your time than beatings...well I guess we respect your crazy peacenik ways.